Furry baby

Today someone ran over my dog Spock, and didn’t stop to at least let me know. 😥 I’m so heartbroken and upset. I cried most of the morning and off and on through out the rest of the day. Spock was barely 8 months old, was a sweet dog even with all his energy, and was loved so much not just by me but by my kids too. 😞 How do you tell your 5 and 2 year old that the dog they love to play with is gone and is not coming back? How can someone do something like this and not at least leave a note to apologize? He wasn’t even in the middle of the road! He was off to the side almost in the grass, from where he was laying it looked like the person did it in purpose and just left him there. Who knows how many of my neighbors drove by before one lady rang my door bell and told me he was hit. I don’t think I will be ever able to get that sight out of my mind. I was devastated. 

Spock, I’m so sorry your life ended like this, I was looking forward to you living out your years with our family. I miss you so much already my puppy. ❤💔 

Advertisements

A Mother’s Night

The warmth and comfort,

Feeling of relaxation and peace, 

Eyes drifting close,

Darkness surrounding,

A soft distant cry,

Your heart stops,

Please don’t let it be true,

It was so close, 

You were on the verge,

The soft cries turning to loud calls,

Instinct kicks in,

Running to their side,

A gentle hand,

A soft touch, 

Happiness as you hold them, 

Sweet sleepy eyes looking up at you,

Feeding, cuddling, and soothing,

You want your sleep back.

But with one look it slips from your mind,

They need you,

And right now that’s all that matters,

A tiny smile as they drift back,

Love filling you to the soul,

Feeling complete.

P.C goes to my husband 😌❤

This stage in Life

“This stage of life. It’s hard, you guys.

I’m talking right now to you moms who are in your late 20’s to mid 30’s. You have kids. Likely two, three, maybe four of them. They probably range in age from newborns to  7 or 8 year-olds. (Give or take a few, on all of the above mentioned stats).

In this stage of life, you are dealing with exhaustion. Mental, physical, and emotional.

In this stage of life, you are dealing with teething. With ear infections. With stomach viruses. You are juggling nap schedules, and feeding schedules and soccer, dance, or cheer schedules. A million balls you are juggling, and you probably feel like you are dropping most of them.

In this stage of life, you are dealing with guilt. Guilt over having a career, and not spending enough time with your kids, or guilt over staying home with your kids, and not doing enough to contribute financially. Guilt over being too harsh with your kids. Too lenient. Guilt that your house is clean, but your kids were ignored, or guilt that you enjoyed your children all day, and now your husband is coming home to filth. Guilt.

In this stage of life, you are bombarded daily with a whole host of decisions. Some of them life-changing, some of them not. None of them with clear cut answers. Do I vaccinate my kids? Do I not? Do I send them to public school? Homeschool? Charter school? Do I continue to breastfeed? Do I blow the budget so that I can buy all organic? Do I force my child to apologize, even though the apology will be insincere? You don’t know the answers to ANYTHING, but you feel constant pressure to figure out EVERYTHING.

This stage of life is less and less about watching your friends get married and have babies, and more and more about standing by and witnessing your friends struggle in their marriage, and even get divorced. It’s a stage where you’ve got to put in the time and the effort and the work and the energy to make sure your OWN marriage stays healthy. And that’s good, but it’s hard, too.   At this point, you or someone you know has experienced infertility. Miscarriages. Loss of a child.

It’s a stage where you are buying houses, selling houses, remodeling houses, packing up houses. And then you do it all again a few years later.

It’s a stage where your hormones are all out of whack. I mean, you’ve basically been pregnant, postpartum, or breastfeeding for the last ten years, right?

It’s a stage where you are struggling with identity. Is my entire identity “mommy”? Is there anything even left of me that isn’t about mothering? Is there something more glamorous I could have/should have done with my life? I LOOK like a mom now, don’t I? I totally do.

It’s a stage where you are on a constant quest for balance, and can never find it.

It’s a stage of life where you are overloaded. Constantly. You are overloaded with questions. Your children never stop asking them. You are overloaded with touch. Someone is constantly wanting to be held, holding on to you, hanging on to you, touching you. You are overloaded with to-do’s. There is so much to do. It never ends. You are overloaded with worry. You are overloaded with THINGS. Your kids have way too many toys. You are overloaded with activities. You are overloaded with THOUGHTS (thoughts about how to not be so overloaded, perhaps?).

It’s hard.

So….what do you need to do to survive it all?

You need to ask for help.

You need to accept help when it’s given.

You need to not neglect your marriage. You need to put your kids down for bed early. Sit outside on the back porch with your husband, drink a glass of wine, and have a conversation.

You need girlfriends.

You need your mom.

You need older friends, who have been there and done that. Who can reassure you that you AREN’T screwing it all up as badly as you think you are.

You need to not feel bad about using your kids nap time every now and again to just do whatever the heck you want.

You need to lower your expectations….then probably lower them again.

You need to simplify.  Simplify every single part of your life, as much as it can be simplified.

You need to learn how to say “no”.

You need to practice contentment

You need to be ok leaving your kids overnight, and going away somewhere. Anywhere.

You need to do something you enjoy, every day, even if it’s for no more than 15 minutes.

You need to pray. Girl, you need to pray.

You need a coffee you love, a wine you love, and a bubble bath that you love.

Finally, and maybe most importantly, you need to remember that…..

….this stage of life is beautiful, too. Like, really really beautiful. This is the stage of life where every single older person you ever meet tells you, “you’re going to miss this”. And you already know it’s true. It’s the stage where your kids love you more than they are EVER going to love you again, for the whole rest of your life. It’s the stage where they can fit their entire selves into your lap to snuggle…and they want to. It’s the stage where their biggest problems ARE ear infections and teething and stomach viruses, and you’re not having to deal yet with things like broken hearts or addiction or bullying. It’s the stage where you are learning to love your spouse in an entirely different….harder…..better…. way. The stage where you are learning together, being stretched together, shedding your selfishness together, and TRULY being made into “one”. It’s the stage where you get to see Christmas, Halloween through your kids eyes, and it’s so much more fun and magical than it would be just through your own eyes. It’s the stage where you get to watch your parents be grandparents…and they’re really good at it. It’s the stage of life filled with field trips, class parties, costumes, swim lessons, bubble baths, dance parties, loose teeth, and first steps. And those things are so fun. It’s the stage where you are young enough to have fun, and old enough to have obtained at least SOME wisdom. It’s SUCH a great stage.

But, man it’s hard.”

-author unknown
No truer words have been said. We battle so much with trying to make everyone else happy and everything else perfect that we moms forget about ourselves most of the time. We forget about taking in and enjoying the moments while stressing over the day. 

Aftermath of child birth

Not a lot of people talk about what happens after you have a baby. Sure we talk about how little sleep we’ll get (kinda), and how cute the baby will be, or how we’ll be so glad to finally be done being pregnant and happy to hold our baby that everything else will seem to drift away. But other than that no one really says what it’s really like, it’s like we are scared to tell the truth about how we feel, and honestly I think we kinda are. 😛 I know with my kids I was/am. Don’t get me wrong I love my kids and maybe some day I’d like to have another. But you know that first year – especially those first few months – are the hardest, and when a mom just replies ‘Tired’ when you ask how she’s doing, she’s probably basically saying “I’m feeling like hell froze over, and my emotions are out of control, but I don’t know how to say that nicely without sounding like I’m complaining so I’m just going to sum it all up by saying tired.”.   I mean what else can you really say when you feel like you’ve been hit by a bus, are bleeding like a victim from a murder scene, haven’t gotten more than 3 hours of uninterrupted sleep since probably the beginning of your third trimester, making you so sleep deprived you sometimes are literally running on coffee and shear will power alone. Your boobs feel like they’re being used as a punching bag and the sweet baby you’ve been nursing has been hiding sandpaper in their mouth while nursing half the time.

Oh and let’s not forget about the diaper changing. O.O Getting peed on and sometimes almost pooped on (seriously, I almost had pooped squirted on me and our bed this morning while changing T’s diaper). Also getting thrown up on, and on occasion having to wear it because you left the house without a change of clothes- like a few weeks ago I was at Wal-Mart and had to feed the baby, and while burping her she threw up nearly half the milk she drank on my shirt, chest, and straight down my shirt and into the bra. 😒😷

Oh and I almost forgot you also look like you are still about 5 months pregnant for about the first week or so. (Nothing makes a new mom feel better about herself than having a stranger ask her when she’s due because she looks pregnant). -_-

Exciting isn’t it? 😛

But I will close by saying this….something everyone says is true about after having a baby. At the end of the day, it is all worth it. ❤ When your cute, sweet little baby looks at you like you are the world and smiles at you, it makes all of it worth it. ❤

Motherhood

Motherhood- something that is so beautiful and sweet, yet also tests your endurance of patience, and your emotional, physical, and mental stability. You also get to experiment with how well your body and brain functions on very little amounts of sleep, and high amounts of caffeine. 😛 You get to find out how well you can stomach being peed, pooped, or thrown up on, sometimes even multiple times a day. You get to experience having a cute little smile light up your day when you’ve been having a terrible one, or have your heart sink at the sight of tears rolling down your child’s face. Or the sloppy kiss you get as tiny arms wrap around your neck like you are the best thing in the world and they don’t want to let go, and you don’t want them too even though their boney shoulder or head feel like they are starting to choke you, and you know that once they let go you’ll miss it instantly. How about when they keep you up at all hours of the night, you just want to cuddle with them  so you both can get some good sleep, while you also secretly plot how you will pay them back by getting them up at the crack of dawn while they are teens and they want to sleep in until noon. 😈

Motherhood is also knowing that in the end, no matter what happens, no matter how upset they will make you for coloring on the wall, or destroying something you worked hard all day on, or driving you crazy by asking why a million times, getting into every little thing they can find. That through all of it, they are still your babies and you will always love them. You will peek into their rooms while they sleep and marvel at how precious and cute they are. You’ll wish (even if it’s just for a moment) you could make time stop so you can hold onto them forever and never let go. ❤

That’s why we cherish every moment we can, enjoy those sweet hugs and sloppy kisses while we get them, because we blink and they are grown.

There is a saying that I recently saw that says, You never know how much love your heart can hold, until you have children.” it is so true too. With each child I have the love in my heart just seems to grow, and grow. Its amazing! ❤

I love my family, and I thank God for them every day.

Introduction-ish

I’m crazy. Seriously, just ask my husband he’ll confirm it. 😛 I’m a stay at home mother of 3 wonderful (yet also equally crazy) children, 2 boys- G is 5 years old, and C who is 2 years old, and a girl- T she will be 4 weeks old tomorrow (secretly cries). G just started kindergarten last week on Monday, we are homeschooling and he is loving it so far (and is also apparently more ahead in his learning than I thought). T is of course needing the usual lots of attention like any newborn. And C -even though I try to spend extra time with him- I think he is feeling left out so he likes to try and step in to ‘help’ or do whatever it is his brother is doing at that moment so he can get some of the same attention his siblings are get.

And yet here I am starting a new blog that I’m not even sure I can keep up with so I’m only committing myself to at least one new post a week. I’m also doing this during Naptime- the time when I usually nap also to catch-up on the sleep I missed out on the night before. And trust me after last night my brain really wishes I was sleeping right now, but against my better judgment (and mostly because it’s my birthday and I wanted some) I had a cup of coffee this morning so yea I couldn’t fall asleep even if I tried. -_-

Anyways, we live in the beautiful state of Texas, though I was born in Oregon and grew up in like 3 other states. Thanks to my dad’s job we got to travel all over the USA, so while I may have only lived in like 5-6 different states I’ve actually been to almost every state which was really cool and nice when growing up. 🙂 But I think Oregon will probably always be one of my favorite states just because it has mountains and the ocean. Gosh do I miss the ocean!! My dream place to live is on a mountain near the ocean so I can have the trees and forest around me or in the back yard and the big open sea as my view as far as the eyes can see. ❤ Or if I can’t have it as the view then at least within an hour’s drive away. As much as I love the ocean I refuse to live on the beach, it’s too open and not enough trees, I need my trees. 😛

I am a Jewish Bible believer, I wouldn’t be where I am today without God. I grew up Baptist, then my family started following the feast days and using the Hebrew Names (Yahweh and Yahshua). I love to read my Bible, I find something new in it every time. It’s amazing! ❤
Edit: this was supposed to post yesterday, but my internet was acting up.