‘Mommy, I’m feeling Upset’

I’m always able to get pics like this of Matt with the kids but it’s very rare I’m in the picture unless it’s a selfie or completely planned. This though, this was spare of the moment snapped of me and C. We were on our walk and he actually wanted to walk with me and hold my hand. Which he hardly ever wants to do, like he will sometimes drop to the floor if I try to make him hold my hand anywhere, unless he’s being completely shy about something.
Today was tough, not just with him but T as well. I took them to the store today to grab a couple things for dinner and T had a complete meltdown…over what, I have no clue….but I stopped in the middle of an aisle with all three of them sat on the floor with T and rubbed her back to help calm her down until she was able to tell me what was wrong (her chicken tenders bag,that I got for her lunch, wasn’t open so she could see it). Then after naptime it was C’s turn for a meltdown, he got about halfway through it before he finally said mommy I’m feeling upset I’m ready to talk. ❤️ We took some time together in a room to talk and cuddle on the floor (he preferred it to the bed for some reason 🤷). When we were done and he said he was better, he was all hugs and giggles with me and his siblings. 🤗💛🧡
Part of me keeps nagging saying just wait for the storm after the calm that’s going to hit, not to get used to this. But after seeing this picture, that hubby was able to get for me, I really don’t care if this behavior is just for today for the next couple days. Because it’s proof that it can work and he is listening. Even if it’s taking time to sink in and him to understand, he’s still learning how to handle his emotions better than just exploding on anyone around him.
I love this little boy so much! 🧡💛💚

Wine and Games

Yesterday started out good! Kids were in decent moods, when we woke up, I had work in the morning (and that went good!) After work had to quickly go get the kids, and then meet hubby for shopping which also went very well! No meltdowns or anyone extra sad about not getting certain things they wanted.
And then we got home…….it all just went South from there. 😔 C had a huge blown out meltdown and I don’t even fully know why. It was like multiple things that set him off. But Even while my brain was like ok NVM fill us with wine I’m done for today….I still remained calm trying to convince C to talk to me, to use his words about what he needed instead of screaming at me like I killed his favorite pet or something. Good side is he didn’t call anyone stupid this time or try to hit anyone.. he just hit grocery bags as he walked by them haha. I had made pizza for dinner which he loved and calmed down for and was better for the next few hours until bedtime.

Don’t you just love when kids start saying how tired they are but as soon as you try to get them to bed it’s like instant shot of caffeine is pumping through their veins 😳😒 it’s crazy!!!! Haha but after we managed to get everyone settled down and in bed, this tired momma poured a glass of her new favorite wine 😍😋 and put in COD. It was a good way to wind down after the evening. Who knew getting screamed at for awhile was so exhausting? 😜😔

Stress….

MotherHood is a Joy; it is a blessing; there are hard days but the hugs and sloppy kisses make it worth it; you just need to breath and take care of yourself; they will grow out of it; cherish every moment cause they grow up so fast; ect…..

These were the things I was told when I became a mom, and am still told them sometimes. But what I was never told was that, there will be days where you have given it your all, you have taken care of yourself, you are trying to see the bright side and yet it still it may still feel like you are failing. There will be even harder days where it will take a little more than just a hug and kiss to make it worth it. Yes they do grow up fast, but sometimes you will think they aren’t growing up fast enough, and ‘them growing out of it’ will take way longer than some. And while it may be a blessing and joy, there will be days you will wish you could say yes to that friend to go get coffee or hang out for lunch or catch a movie at night, but you can’t because the only time they are avalible is during naptime or bedtime for kids and you’ll feel like a horrible person having to use the same reason over and over, but well it’s true the only good time for anyone else is a bad time for you, and you would rather skip out than have cranky kids.

There will also be days when you have tried everything to help out your child, to try and figure out what is wrong, but nothings seems to help and you will feel at your wits end about it. Today is one of those days…..

C has always been a little bit of my trouble child, which hasn’t been too bad, I’ve been able to manage and adjust. But lately it seems to be getting worse and I don’t know why. 😦 I feel like I am almost walking on egg shells somedays. And I feel so alone in it. Like all the parents around me seem to have great kids, sure I’ve seen and heard of some of their troubles too, but nothing like what I have had to deal with these past few months. And he’s only 3 almost 4. Now I know I’m not the only parent with a strong willed child, I’ve seen and heard of some online and stuff, but no one around me that I have seen or met. And it has made it hard, so very hard. It has gotten so bad we are thinking about taking him to a therapist, and I have been too embarassed to say that to family and friends. Like if it comes up and I tell them, it may make them think I’m being to soft or something. I don’t know. Some people say its about disapline, others say it’s attention problems, and others say it has to do with his diet and I need to take him off certain food that could be causing the anger issues. *sigh* Me, I just want my sweet boy back. I see him every so often on his good days, and sometimes after he calms down and realizes what he did and is sorry about it, and comes crying to me to say sorry and give hugs. But everyday I wonder what will trigger him? What will be his mood today? How can I help him? How can I stop it from escalating? Will he be good to take to the store or should I just stay home? Will a hugging and talking it out work today? Or will he need quiet time and some music? I never know the answer until the time comes, and it feels like I’m always guessing. It has seriously left me as a bundle of stressful tired nerves, ones that he likes to poke at.

I know we can get through this, and I still love him with all my heart. Seeing him like this breaks my heart, and somedays I just want to cry because I feel like I am failing my baby boy. But I know with some time, love and patience we will figure things out and if not get back to how things were than at least get back to a new normal and happy child.

Sorry this isn’t the happiest post I have done. Today has just been long, and well this is apart of my journey through motherhood, my life as a Mombie. And incase there is another mother out there going through the same thing or something simular, I just want you to know, you aren’t alone! ❤